The Dispatch Test

The Dean gave a short speech to the faculty at a reception at Ohio State University's Faculty Club. One line really struck me. He said "We need to make it look as if we care about teaching."

I went up to the Dean afterwards and asked, "Do you mean `We need to care about teaching' or `We need to make it look as if we care about teaching'?"

The Dean replied "We need to make it look as if we care about teaching."

On a different occasion, the Dean told the math faculty that the Ohio State University made its decisions using the "Dispatch test". Administrators ask themselves "How will this look if it appears in the Columbus Dispatch?" which was the local newspaper. Not "is this the right thing to do?" but "how will it look in the press, if reporters find out about it?"

An official at my current university confided in me that the only way things will improve at the university is to go to the media, since that's the only thing the administrators will listen to.

How to get admitted to the Harvard Business School

One year, while I was visiting the Harvard math department, I was a member of the Senior Common Room at one of the Harvard Houses (i.e., dorms). Another member was occasionally on the admissions committee of the Harvard Business School. She told the following story.

The Harvard Business School received an application from an undergrad, let's call her C, from a very prestigious university that I'll call CountryClub U. The application form asked the applicants to relate the achievement of which they were most proud.

C's achievement was that she seduced the President of CountryClub U.  This was no small feat. She explained the obstacles in her path and how she overcame them. For example, President D was married and didn't want to have an affair. He especially didn't want to have an affair with a student. C found a way to become part of a group that played tennis with President D, and she used that to escalate the relationship. The story went on.

Another visiting professor and I listened in horror. At the end, we said "So she wasn't accepted to the Business School, was she?"

"Of course they accepted her!" exclaimed the storyteller, surprised by our reaction. "She decided what she wanted, had a well-thought-out plan, and followed it through successfully. That's exactly what the Harvard Business School is looking for!"

Later, someone I knew who was well-connected at CountryClub U told me that CountryClub U's Board of Trustees gave President D an ultimatum---either resign or end the affair. I think that C got the better deal. I never learned C's name, so I can only guess what she did after she got into the Harvard Business School.